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Twelve Tips for Single Parents |
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Written by Bette J. Freedson, LICSW, LCSW, CGP
 1. Have structure in your home. That means an environment that is reasonably predictable within the normal changes that life brings.
2. Do not make "house rules" that you cannot back up. In other words do not use threats for disciplinary measures. If you do that, and do not follow up, you lose leverage and credibility.
2. Refrain from threatening that your child will have to go live with the other parent.
3. Make sure the kids (and of course this varies with age levels) understand that choices lead to consequences. The message is that they can be "the bosses of their own behavior." This provides them with a sense of control along with knowing you are in charge.
4. If there is another parent with another household, give the kids the message that what happens in that house isn't necessarily the same as what happens in your house. This can be tricky, especially if the other parent is behaving like Uncle Clown. But you don't have to.
5. Release your rivalry issues with the other parent or other people who interact with your child. If they are providing big toys and big fun, your importance as a parent is not lessened. The parenting bang is not for the buck. It is for who you are with your children and what stability you offer them, even in times of difficulty.
6. Deal with your own stress in appropriate adult ways so you are not releasing your own anxiety by being the children’s peer instead of their parent.
7. Develop supports for yourself for your own recreation and fun, so the kids do not have to serve that purpose for you.
8. Even if you have to crazy glue your mouth, do not put down the other parent to the kids.
9. Establish routines with the kids that involve responsibilities as well as playful connecting. Connecting does not have to be "Disney." It is more important to show an interest in what they think and what they are doing.
10. These are a few of the things you can do to establish an environment in which the children trust that you will be predictable and trustworthy. When they know the boundaries, the children will be able to have fun with you and you will still be the parent.
11. Live by this motto: You do not have to be perfect--just good enough! if you fall from your own standard, you can forgive yourself and go on.
12. Trust this truth: Children love you and will offer you their respect and forgiveness when there is enough of a foundation for them to feel safe and cared for.
Bette J. Freedson, LICSW, LCSW, CGP is a clinical social worker and a certified group psychotherapist who is dedicated to helping clients tackle life using simple, sound and effective strategies. As a Stress Expert, Author & Speaker Bette makes overcoming life’s challenges easy with simple and accessible tools. Throughout her career Bette has worked with hundreds of children, parents, adults, couples, and groups to help them relieve the stress that interferes with success in life. By using her ideas and solutions, Bette's patients and pupils are able to quickly develop the skills to become directors of their own destinies.
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